Memories

Last year, two days after my son's birthday, I lost my Grandma. My Grandma was my rock. My steadfast norm in a world that was sometimes so crazy. It has been nearly a year and it has been hard. As hard as I thought. Sometimes not as hard as I would have expected, but other times it is awful.

There are days I would give ANYTHING to pick up the phone and hear her voice.

Today I received the best Christmas gift. My Aunt who lives far away from me emailed me several of my Grandma's favorite recipes, some of my childhood memories. Things like Beer Cheese Soup and Kringlers. Recipes that you don't just pull off line. I cried. Tears of sadness and tears of joy.

Such a small gesture will probably be the best gift I receive this year. Not because it shimmers, not because it had an expensive price tag, but because it is a little piece of her.

Grandma, I miss you. So much. I think about you all the time. I wish you could see Keith. I wish I could see you.

Christmas time is here.

With all the Joy's and tears.

Tears for many of us who deal with infertility as some celebrate without a child again. Tears for some of us who deal with infertility as we realize the true gift we have been given by God in allowing our treatments to work and giving us a child.

I am one of those lucky ones. Doodle will be 2 next month and my husband and I are hoping to make ours a family of 4 sometime after the new year. Each time a holiday hits I find myself choking up over little moments and small traditions. Choking up because I am so lucky to have a child to experience these things with. Choking up because it easily could have been the other way.

I teared up this spring watching him search for Easter Eggs, again this fall while carving Jack-O-Lanterns, and again while decorating our Christmas tree.

I can only imagine what it will feel like watching his excitement Christmas morning, baking Christmas Cookies together for Santa, and snuggling next to the fire watching our Christmas favorites.

I am so Thankful.

God Blessed us..